I’ve discovered a new threat. A threat that is taking over the suburbs. Until today, I didn’t know it existed. But it’s there, lurking behind designer strollers and powder blue mini-vans. It’s ready to unleash it’s barbed tongue without a moments notice. It’s The Mommy Mafia! You’ll know them by the “elevator eyes” they give you and your children when you come into their self-proclaimed territory. You’ll note the sneers they give your children for not wearing BabyGap and being pushed around in $400 imported strollers. I think I’ve even found the leader of this threat. There she is to the left in salmon top with her socially inept child on her lap. I should point out that I took this picture during StoryTime at the local library. While the poor Children’s Librarian is trying very hard to keep 24+ squirrelly 2 to 4 year olds entertained – she is yapping away to the pajama-wearing schlub sitting next to her. Seriously, she didn’t stop talking ONCE… never did she encourage her child to get up and participate in the activities.
Wonder what she’s talking about? Well, you can see how far away from her I was, and I heard every word. I was standing because I was trying to keep my SpacePirate quiet and contained, no small feat for his first time at a StoryTime. Her conversation was about me – with a small break to make fun of the woman in front of them with the lowslung pants.
Just before going into the Story Theater, this woman took it upon herself to grab my daughter’s arm and pull her thumb from her mouth. LittleMiss wasn’t sucking her thumb at the time, but rather trying to fix the hangnail on it. In fact, she’s really good about not sucking her thumb when we’re out and about. This woman had the audacity to lecture LittleMiss about how nasty it was to suck thumbs, that only dirty people sucked thumbs and that it will make her sick. My daughter had a frantic look on her face, scanning the room for me and once she met my eyes, she tried to get away from this woman. I was busy rounding up SpacePirate at the time, but I rushed over there and removed my daughter from the venomous spray this woman was spewing and gave her THE LOOK. You know, the HOW THE F@(K DARE YOU? Her response was to LECTURE ME TOO! Giving me the same line of crap. I cut her off with a very audible, yet hissed through gritted teeth, “Shut the f@(k up! How dare you put your hands on my child and lecture her!”
Surely, not my finest choice of words, especially around other children – but given the situation, she’s lucky I did not lay MY hands on HER. In my eyes, it was THAT inappropriate! I’m one who usually avoids confrontation, but she is officially on my “if you ever screw with me or mine” again list… I won’t hold back next time. I did take LittleMiss to the side (admittedly, completely within earshot of this woman) and tell her that what happened was not okay, that the lady was being mean and that I feel it’s okay for her to suck her thumb if she wants. I gave her a big hug, told her she was super brave and was a good girl. LittleMiss announced loudly “I love you MommyBear. That lady was mean to me and is yucky.”
So for the whole StoryTime, I heard things like “I mean, really, she should control her kids” and “I know I’m not mother of the year, but I’m better” and “no business being a mother" and more that I’d rather just not repeat. It was pure venomous crap. Quiet frankly, I am convinced this woman leads a terribly depressing life, and just can’t be happy. She’s probably got everything in her house padded and is still breastfeeding her 5 year old. She’s obviously got problems and finds it easier to take them out on me because I’m the new girl in the neighborhood who lets her children walk rather than schlep a stroller in everywhere we go. Sure, my kids aren’t angels. Really, far from it most times, but I am doing my best with two toddlers at difficult ages. Yet, I am happy and don’t find pleasure or need to attack other mother’s parenting. To each their own. Right?
Truth be told, this is the second time I have had a run-in with this woman who thinks she’s The All Knowing Mommy Mafia Godmother. A few months back, she lectured me in the preschool parking lot for leaving SpacePirate in the car while I ran in to get LittleMiss out of her class. He was asleep, he and I had the flu, and it was also blowing snow – so really it was the best option given my circumstances. Again, the stream of venom that came out of her mouth was inappropriate and I had to put my daughter in the car so she wouldn’t be subjected to the vile things this woman was saying. I ended up shutting her down by simply getting in my car and driving away with Ralph’s World blaring.
The best part was as we were leaving the library. The woman was right in front of us with her 4 year old daughter in her expensive stroller (seriously, the cars were a mere 50 feet from the door). She pulled a paci out her pocket and shoved it in her kid’s mouth – LittleMiss said “Mommy, that yucky lady gave my friend a paci. Paci’s are only for babies.” My response was “you’re right sweetheart!” Hehe. Good kid.
She lives in the same neighborhood we do, so I see her around. I’m not fearing the Mommy Mafia anymore. She can drag her poor kid around in her expensive stroller, hang with her pajama-clad Mom-tourage, drive her powder blue mini-van and sneer at me all she wants. BRING IT ON! I’m working hard to make other Mommy friends, and while it’s hard being a newbie around here, I know I am doing my best and I don’t need to subject myself to more of that crap.